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  • Eichel Davis

BP #51: The St. Louis Rams. Unpoeticly Speaking

Let’s talk for a moment (if you wouldn’t mind).

Sometimes life gives you a little happiness, a little hope. And sometimes, it rips your heart out and leaves a ram-shaped hole in your chest.

They’re gone, and I can’t do anything about that. But I sure as hell I am not going to sit here and twiddle my thumbs in anger. I have some things to say to the “Los Angeles Rams” and the human embodiment of everything wrong with our world, Stan Kroenke. I’m gonna call him He Who Must Not Be Named in this article, even though it is a slight insult to Voldemort. At least he faced his opposition head on instead from the comfort of that graveyard.

I’m gonna start with with the Rams. I truly only have one thing to say to you all. Thank you.

Thank you for all the memories, all the great times, all the victories, and all the heartwarming things your players did for our community. While Voldemort's stand-in planted seeds to rip you from us, your players and coaches gave much to our community. You stood up with us during our hard times, and gave time and money to many charities around the area. And we as St. Louisians will never forget that.

And while it might seem less consequential than the work you did off the field, we will remember all of the time you spent on the gridiron. How could we forget the Greatest Show on Turf. How could we forget 2000, and the golden years of the St. Louis Rams. And while recent years have been tough, we still supported you. We still cherished you. We still wanted the best for you. We loved you. But now all we can do is remember you.

Now on to He Who Must Not Be Named.

You should be proud. You have made a very special list. You have made my permenant “Just No” list. This list includes names such as Jim Crow, Donald Trump, the guy that invented Crocs, Iggy Azalea, and, Mr. Knock Off Voldemort. You are pretty much everything I hate in our society. You don’t care about people. You chose to stomp on everything good in life. And you think with your wallet. I mean really, you have billions of dollars, at what point is it enough. Like you can be rich, but don’t be greedy. It truly brings out the worse in people.

Why’d you have to do it. We were gonna build it. We were gonna build this great big stadium (Donald Trump voice) on the river, and you scoffed at it like we were trying to make you eat your vegetables. I would tell you to stop being a whining little kid but obviously it's a little late for someone to parent you. Obviously it's too late for someone to teach you manners. Obviously it's too late for anything to stop your tirade toward a lonely life among all your billions. And I would love to try to work with you, but since you didn’t extend us the same to suck.

So to the people of the Rams, good luck. And to Mr. Stan Kroenke, karma can be a powerful little thing.

Thanks for listening while I vent,



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